Somewhere between selfness and selflessness

Am I writing it for me or for you?

Are you reading it for me or for you?

Who are we living for and whosoever it is, is s/he really contented with the way we are living?

What is it that confuses us while making decisions, even when we have strong values?

How do we choose between right and the good? Is the choice always the same?

Are you, what you are?

This indeed is… the BIG question strolling around the motivational sessions in today’s world and trolling around in the pages of social media today. What an Irony!

Are there times when, it’s not the fear of choosing the wrong but the fear of not choosing the right that overpowers our sanity of making decisions aptly? Well, if not with you, at least it happens with me.

A prayer about one’s stay in your life,

So that you live peacefully together…

A piece of food that you donate,

Because you don’t like it much….

A determination to fight difficulties,

For you need to stand for loved ones…

A wish that you bare the pain…

Instead of watching the other one bare it!

If not “Somewhere between selfness and selflessness”, then what is it in all these situations that holds us back from understanding who are we really prioritizing: us or ours?

Moreover, what exactly the correct thing to do? Shall we adjust and compromise our opinions, lifestyle and desires for the people we care for? Or shall we stay strict and stern towards our values and decisions against the people caring for us? Not just you and me, it an active dilemma for all of us!

The answer to this, I believe lies in the answer of a simpler and a more fundamental question, which is:
Are you living (not just alive) because of your dear ones or are they because of you? Answering this with an absolute honesty, determines which of these is the cause and the effect of your life. Now, your smartness doesn’t really need my word to understand that always, be it Science or Art, “We alter the cause, that gets reflected in the effect.”

So, here we are with a notion of importance of our notions. Not all the time and not for all, do we stay hungry and feed the one begging nearby us. What does it take to decide, whom do you feed in a bunch of beggars?

For most, it’s an instinct that’s triggered deep in them!

For some, it’s logical reasoning for who needs it more!

For a few, it’s a psychological lean towards a particular sect of society!

My question is Why is it not to put ourselves in each of their shoes?

Perhaps deep inside, we are too reluctant to even imagine ourselves in such a situation! But it needs courage to understand anything and everything beyond a short sighted perception. And I must say, all of us are pretty well determined to find solutions to our problems but pretty well optimal to find solutions for a third person. The only difference between the two is perception. The short one is more focused and therefore highly determined. However, the other one is a distant and thus highly analyzed.

Kudos to you, because I’m sure you are good at both conditionally. And your fittest survival until now in this cut-throat world, approves of it the best. The only thing is when to utilize which approach is what makes you the king of decisions of your life! Be it for you or for your loved ones! And yes,

You thinking for you is NOT selfishness,

You holding onto people is NOT self-sameness,

Living a life that serves both equally,

Is somewhere between selfness and selflessness!

Why fight for our self-respect, self-esteem or against it? Why hold self-criticism or self-scrutiny as per people’s opinion? Or why always stand to be self-giving without self-loving?

Loving to live somewhere between selfness and selflessness,

Hiti Sinha

Dearest Emptiness

With no words to express myself, rather the inner me,
I go on writing this letter to the dearest “Emptiness”…
The emptiness that lies folded beside me, inside me!
It says, “Your success and Failure doesn’t bother me
If not me, who could define what a companion is!
Your time changed, but I never did change…
Even you changed, but all I did is accepted!

Yes, such was the contribution of this “Emptiness”, much more than I could realize, and much bigger than I could believe. Honestly, all the years while I had been complaining and grudging about my loneliness, never did I understand how this emptiness dissolved in my solitude.

I know you would say “Think Practically, A companion has to be living thing, first! I understand. I understand!” That’s how I used to think too. But what if I ask you,
Is the numb throbbing in the silence not enough to be its heartbeat,
Or is the essence of enveloping air not enough to be its skin,
What else does it need to be approved of a life?
Is it the physical body, that a corpse possesses?
Or is it, the communication that even plants strive to prove!
What is it, that stops us from accepting that even in our loneliness, we are not alone. Would that have been the case, “Why and who do we talk to inside?”. Tell me, “Who is it that you wait to get your tears wiped even in the locked room?”.

This emptiness never gets depleted. It stays forever. It contracts and hides within when many high-profile contacts, success awards and moments of glam get added to your life. Why? Because it knows by your ignorance that you don’t want it right now, and enjoys watching you enjoy them. Then, later when you fail or get stabbed, in the dark moments of your life, it expands and cuddle you to envelop and isolate you from the rest of the world, so that you see the world as it is, without a single perception.
And then….
Most of us avoid it, and distract ourselves. Isn’t it?
Some of us fight it, and believe we killed it. Isn’t it?
A few of us accept it and wait for our time to change.
My question is why don’t we carry it gracefully?
This generation makes me the immensely proud, when they never hesitate to accept their flaws. They carry it so elegantly and boldly, that no wonder the flaw seems to be the new fashion in its only edition.

Why just sitting depressed in a corner under the staircase, or looking down to the hazy world from top floor through the empty bottle or walking alone by a sea shore viewing the setting sun, or fighting the slaps of wind over the face out of the window over a road trip….do we find and talk to this Emptiness?
What should then stop us from accepting, embracing and glorifying this “Emptiness” beside us, beneath us, within us? Could we ever be so loyal and supporting to anyone as “Emptiness” is!
Loving and protecting my Emptiness
Hiti Sinha